Saturday, October 29, 2016

Nimble fingers

When I had my nimble fingers they swooped across the keys the way my feet danced across the stage, no backspace, no typos, no second guessing. I told stories, the internet tried to ban me, we danced a round a bout that was like a tango of words. I was a branded woman and I loved every second of it. I came here sometimes two or three times a day to post whatever had popped into my head, was happening in my day, or some tale I had made up for thrills. There were projects that the internet, as a whole, participated in with me (you filthy people know who you are and I love every one of you) and a list of links that I suggested to GO and READ because you would be enriched, entertained, and they had nimble fingers too.

Pictures and music were ingrained into this space, it breathed with it. I had a post that if you pressed play and read along in time the song and pictures and words were timed to link up. (FIGHT!) That one took less time than you would have expected and more laughing than required. It's all backed up on discs going back to 2004. When I started this space as an idea given to me by a therapist as a way to journal out what was happening to me. My breakdown. So I could read back what was going on and learn from it. She really had no idea what she was suggesting to someone like me. Most people don't really know what they are getting into with someone like me, so I don't blame her. She couldn't know I would take "journal out your thoughts" and turn that into a photo shoot of paper cut out people and play-doh reenacting my ex-husbands horrible Christmas party where a drunk woman yelled "I fucked the drummer from Dokken!" I just did.

Now these nimble fingers feel so tame. I don't want to re-post that old material, merge those old files back into this space. I enjoy seeing those old stories of my kids growing up, but I am a completely different person in so many ways. The fundamentals of evil are still there, I have stories to tell that are all new, and I know girls who have yelled entirely different things. (Don't think I won't break out some sock puppets and glitter.) However I don't post nude photos anymore of myself, or anyone else. Of course I am still bisexual but I am monogamous and happy about that fact. (YES IT'S TRUE) Does this mean I can't be Too Dirty For Google anymore? Am I going through a re-branding? Do my guilty feet got no rhythm? Ok no. That went too far. Girls got rhythm.

I wonder if it's just going to take me a little time to get back into my groove of posting instead of fast and flying fingers and done, or will I work my way slowly through a post until I hit publish for that big O. Let's find out together.

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