Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Whores I grew up with

When I was a little girl I had few options in music. My mother loved country music and had dozens of records like Kenny Rodgers, Crystal Gayle, John Denver and Dolly Parton. To hear anything else I would have to sneak my Big Bird radio into bed with me and listen to music very quietly while hiding under my covers.

She also had a great love, and probably still does, for Burt Reynolds. We had ALL the movies she could get on Beta Max. Like Cannon Ball Run, Stroker Ace ( sounds like a porn) and of course, Smokey and the Bandit. But there was one more lurking in that collection of tapes, the one I always wanted to watch because there was DANCING and SINGING combined. Because a girl can only watch Grease so many times. Or so I have been told.

But that little gem of a film was The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas. Oh yes. I mean we also had 9 to 5, but that didn't feature what I thought at the time were beautiful women in fancy clothes dancing and singing up and down staircases and HAPPY, oh they were SO SO happy. Maybe the happiest whores ever in history. And since I really had NO clue about sex ( really I was totally naive for quite some time) I watched them sing and dance the cowboys into their bedrooms and danced around the living room singing along with them.

Now the other night I was flipping channels and what do I see on the country music channel, but those same dancing and happy whores and the same dancing cowboys, who I now notice are in pink shirts, satin pants, and doing splits and pirouettes and I think to myself, now those don't really LOOK like a bunch of cowboys that would be running off to go have sex with FEMALE whores. Nope, not at all.

And then the big scene opens and I see Dolly come down and start to sing, and her band of perky, happy to bang a bunch of farmers, hookers and I think, HOLY SHIT.

People, when your like 8 years old and you think someone is attractive and well dressed, come back and check again when your in your 30s ( or 29) and get a reality round house kick to the face. Because that is exactly what I got. Chuck Norris style, round house kick, right to the FACE.

And it makes me wonder about the people who were my age THEN that saw this movie and thought WONDERFUL! Brilliant! Amazing choreography and fashion!!! You know, people like my mother, who also thought, oh there is no harm in letting her watch this film. And then allowed a very impressionable me to dance and sing with these happy, horribly dressed, hookers.
And so, my dear internets, I share with you this nostalgic piece of film making. If it inspires you to dance, please do so, if it inspires your fashion choices, GET HELP.

DANCE!