July 15, 2008
Raging in my head only comes at night
I dream that I pick up the phone and it's his voice and so much anger fills me I wake with a hot rush.
I float in my sleep and dance with vampires who kiss me until the bleeding stops.
My hair matted around me like a dead girl in the water, but my eyes are still moving and watching and waiting for it to come, but I dont know what it is. Eveything has to be still, never move.
My house is a tall tower, that only witches enter and I live at the top and look down on all the little ants and then jump from the window and fly away on the breeze and it swirls around my body and I feel totally free and alive and wicked deep inside and its the warmest happy ever. I feel his arms around me and he whispers evil into my ear and I laugh and we go into the night together and the moon kisses my skin the way he kisses my lips and his jacket is wrapped around me like a cocoon. Pale and cold but he warms me so when he says my name and looks into my eyes. I have never wanted a man so much, even if he is dead. I call him William and he bites my mouth and I melt away into petals.
July 28, 2008
Screaming in my sleep again, signs of things bubbling in my brain I need to set free. Static in my thoughts, distractions and unrest. Soon I will have to face it, speak it, let it go or it will eat me up like a venom filled candy.
August 19, 2008
Roo passed away today. My big beautiful boy was 19, which means he was about 100 cats years old. I love him, always. For the last 13 years, since I found him in my trash can, he was my rock. No matter how sad or sick I was he was there for me to snuggle and bite my eyebrows while I was sleeping.
He used to hide himself in the boys stuffed animal pile when they were little so that once they were tucked in he could come out and dance on them and nibble them to pet him. So many times I was called in because Roo was nibbling little kids to get them to wake up and love on him.
Today is a very hard day for us all and Roo will always be part of our family in our hearts.
September 3, 2008
from place to place in my head. So much to do, so much getting done. Sending love hundreds of miles to my Tricky Fancy TrickTickler while she goes though some hard times. You know you can do it, and so do I. And give that Spawn kisses from me, I don't care how many cooties he has.
Filling out job applications, can't wait to work. Looking at apartments, can't wait to move. Bouncing out of my skin to be someplace else then the place I am in. Offically lowering my meds and switching things up. Now all food smells like, well... lets just say I'm not hungry.
Dreaming good things for a change, maybe having something to work towards has changed my patterns for awhile (cross fingers) and my brain loves me a little more then it used to.
If things keep moving forward, I might have to stop calling myself depressed.