Friday, June 4, 2010

Losing my voice

Well hello again my old friend. It has been quite some time since I tapped on these keys and watched my words form on this blank screen in front of me. And as usual I have no idea exactly what I intend to say until I see it come out of my finger tips.

I have lost my voice.

I used to have one, loud and strong and like a lions roar. As of late it seems to sound more like one of those cheap tapes you would get as a kid and record things off of the radio or some record and then rewind and record on top of it again, over and over until when you finally press play its so garbled and weak and has so many voices over the top of it that you aren't even sure what you are hearing anymore.

Also I have laryngitis right now so I literally have no voice with which to speak these days.

For some time now I have been pondering the thought, the general notion of coming back to these familiar stomping grounds and letting my voice back out. This place of freedom, of naked blogging, soul baring and brazen and totally unrestrained. The problem is I have felt restrained. In the last few years I have left many things go unsaid and bottled them up and just let things go on the way they seemed to want to go.

Pieces of those feelings are all from different places. Some people that I didn't care to know found my blog, some things I didn't want to talk about. I have done things that I was ashamed of for the first time in my life. Shame is not an emotion I am very comfortable with and it doesn't look good on me. It's almost as bad as putting on a bright yellow dress and running around yelling LOOK AT ME!! And if you know me at all, you know I don't like yellow and it would look horrible on me to boot.

I think its way, WAY past time for me to take that yellow dress off. Its time for me to find my roar. I have always been the one to put someone else in the restraints and its high time I took them off of myself, they are starting to chafe.

Hello me, its me again and I am coming home, we have been lost for far too long, quiet until we heard the pin drop and wrapped up in too many layers. Lets have some fun together and be naked again.

1 comment:

Miss Tricky said...